You ever know someone who would rather constantly complain about an issue rather than ever addressing it, even if it proved to be an easy fix? Try being married to one.

The constant complaining is emotionally exhausting and draining. No matter how many times you try to redirect or offer help/advice, it is met with negativity. There are years and years of examples but I’ll leave you with one of the most infuriating.

We had two vehicles. Rarely did I drive his vehicle. During a particularly hot summer, my car had to go into the shop for routine maintenance. So I used his car to get to work. I start the car and the A/C is a little slow to start. No biggie. It’s an older car.

About a mile down the road, I realize that it’s not a little slow. It’s not working at all. The temperature is close to 100 degrees outside. I call and ask about the A/C. He nonchalantly replies that it’s been out for a while. How long is a while? A few months.

He had been driving around for months in the heat with our kids in the car. Boudica was a baby at the time. So I asked him why he never brought in the car to get the A/C checked. He said that it was no use because his dad had been a mechanic and he was pretty sure it was the A/C compressor and it would cost more than the car to fix.

Now mind you, his dad had been dead for years and even when he was alive, he never taught my ex how to fix a car because he didn’t want his son to have to do that type of dirty work.

I told him that was unacceptable. It was too hot to be driving the babies around without A/C. I would bring the car to a mechanic and if it was too much, then we’d be getting a new car that had A/C.

He was immediately angry with me for questioning him. Said it was a huge waste of time and money. He knew all of this because his dad had been a mechanic. (He liked to stress that).

I ignored him and brought the car in anyway. It turned out to be a broken fan motor. Took less than an hour to fix and cost me less than a hundred bucks. He still sulked for a couple of days because of it but at least he got to sulk in the cool.

This was a constant thing. Rather than fix or get help with an issue, he would immediately pass judgment as impossible and immediately sulk. He would 100% rather curse the darkness than light a candle.

Unfortunately, I’m afraid that the behavior has been learned by our children.

I am struggling to course correct this. I see Boudica shutting down at the first sign of adversity. We are working together to take a deep breath and reassess the situation and maybe approach it from a different angle. Slowly but surely we are making progress. She is still a kitten, so there is time.

With Henry, I’m having to take a more direct approach. Before my ex noped out of his parental responsibilities, he was constantly complaining about the “drift” on one of the PS5 controls. During multiplayer games the complaining would be at their peak as apparently it was so bad that someone usually had to sit out.

To be honest, I mostly just tuned it out because I was so used to the complaining and also because I didn’t know a whole lot about the PS5 or it’s accessories. It’s not really my thing.

Well when he left, he left took a couple of the good controllers and left us with the “drift” controller. Henry had a friend over the other day and I heard again about the “drift” issue. After the friend left, I asked Henry if he asked his dad how to fix the controller or if there were any options. Apparently dad told him that the only was to fix the controller was to send it off or buy a new one.

I talked with Henry about maybe trying to fix the controller ourselves. We could watch some youtube videos and try to figure it out. He was game to try. The first couple of things we tried like resetting the controller and adjusting the bluetooth settings didn’t work.

We then found a video that involved taking the controller apart. The only catch was that it would void your warranty. Well crap, if this doesn’t work we’ll have to buy a new one anyway. Worth the try.

Thirty minutes, a mini screwdriver, and two alcohol swabs later and we are playing Mario Cart with none of the dreaded “drift” issue. He was so proud about fixing the controller ourselves.

We then had a conversation about adversity and how we wouldn’t always be able to prevail or fix things. But a lot of times we can. We just need to realign our perceptions and be willing to try a couple of different things.

tldr: Light a candle rather than curse the darkness or aka quit ya bitching……